Casualties
by Keileigh
Summary: Picking up after the finale of season six, this story will deal with the consequences of Willow's actions in a different way. Lots of love, heartache, comedy, action, angst and whatnot. R&R please or I won't continue
1. Revelation

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

LOVE/ GRAPHIC SEX DISCLAIMER: This story will depict love sexual relationships between all kinds of genders, races or species. If you can't deal, don't read.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

PAIRING: Remains to be seen.

Part 1 - Revelation

"Why can't we go see him today?" The tall teenager complained.

"Dawn, I told you. The doctor said it's important for him to rest"  
Buffy explained to her sister with an annoyed voice.

"Don't you think he'd rest better if he got to see us?"

"And if he asks about Willow?" The blonde young woman asked her younger sister sharply. "Do you think that would make him more relaxed? Or do we lie to him again?"

"He's a grown man, Buffy. He's, like, old. I'm sure he'd be happier if he knew what was going on." Dawn claimed while putting her breakfast dishes into the water. "And we can't keep this up forever. He will find out sooner or later."

"And if I have any say in it, it will be later, Dawn." She sighed.  
"Now, don't you have school to attend to?"

"Fine, send Summers Jr. to Hellmouth High. But when I get home, we will have a serious talk. I'm your younger sister, not your minion. You can't make this decision for me." With the last angry statement, she hurried out of the door.

Buffy looked after her sister for a moment, then sat down and picked up the phone, her formerly calm face dropping to one of sorrow.

"Xander? Hi, it's me. We need to talk. I can't stall Dawn anymore." She softly admitted.

---

"Come on in." Buffy said tiredly as she opened the door and looked at her best friend.

"Buffy." He hugged her. "How bad is it? What does she know?"

"Nothing. But she insists on telling Giles about Willow." She avoided his eyes as they sat down on the couch in the living room. "I think we've run out of options. So far I was able to keep her at bay with the whole 'Giles need to rest' line, but I think we have run out of time.  
She insists on telling him."

"Then why don't we just tell her? She's not a child anymore, Buffy"  
Xander suggested. "I know it's not what you wanted, but as you said, we can't keep this up forever."

"How can I tell her that the man that has been, for the lack of a better term, our father for the past five years, is dying?" She yelled at him before jumping on her feet and pacing around.

"I hate this. I hate lying to Giles, I hate lying to Dawn, I hate lying to Willow. But I just don't know what to do. Whatever I do, someone is going to get hurt." She swallowed hard. "And by hurt I don't mean emotionally. Giles and Willow are so fragile, the truth might literally kill them. You heard the doctors."

"And with that, I believe, you have the answer. The only person you can tell without risking their health is Dawn." He stood up and pulled Buffy in another hug. "It's the only way I see."

For a moment, Buffy embraced the hug, shaking like a leaf. Then she pulled herself together, puting on her brave face. "You are right. I have to tell her."

She looked out of the window, then said with a tiny voice: "Will you be here?"

"Yes, of course. Do you want me to get her home right now?" Xander asked, knowing that once his friend made a decision, she wanted to pull through with it as fast as possible.

"Please."

---

"Ms. Summers, Ms. Dawn Summers to the principal office please." The voice of the principals secretary echoed through the classroom, making everyone look at the youngest summer.

"I guess that's me." Dawn awkwardly said as she hurried to gather her stuff. She was more than worried, because she knew that she had not done anything bad, so the principal calling her could only mean something bad had happened at home.

"Do you need me to take you to the office?" Her teacher asked empathically, sensing the young womans fear. The young teacher had been watching Dawn ever since she heard about her family, and made it a personal priority to care for her pupil in times of need.

"That ... that would be nice." Dawn confessed, evading the stare of her classmates. It was embarrassing to her, but she didn't feel like she could walk this walk on her own. A thousand possibilities went through her mind, none of them pleasant. She had only been pulled from class like this two times, once when Buffy was wounded so severely that she was taken to ICU, and once when Buffy came to the school to tell her about her mom.

"Read chapter 17 while I'm gone, and there will be questions about it when I come back." Dawn's teacher adressed her class, knowing that the moment she closed the door the class would go crazy if there wasn't a threat of questions about the content of the book when she returned.  
She put her arm around the tall teenager and led her out of the classroom and down the corridor towards the office.

"I'm sure she's fine, Dawn." She said softly, knowing that the young girl next to her had only one living famility member left. "It's broad daylight." She added without thinking, which caused Dawn to come to a complete halt, looking shocked at her teacher.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't ..." Her teacher tried to cover, but after a look at the teenagers face she continued. "I've been living at Sunnydale for twenty-seven years, Dawn, and I'm not blind. That, and your sister once helped me out when I went for a walk after dusk. If something happened, I'm certain it would have taken days before the police contacted the school."

"Thank you." Dawn said sincerely as she continued towards the principals office. "I didn't know you ... knew." She lost some of her tension, realizing that the teacher was right. If something had happened to Buffy, it would have taken the police at least a day to contact her school. "It's just that ... with my mom ... and two of our best friends are in hospital." She stammered while continuing to walk.

"If something had happened to either of them, I'm sure your sister would have picked you up herself." The young woman next to her ensured her. "And we already established that your sister is alright." She tried a cheering smile towards Dawn.

"Thank you, Ms. Larryn. Really, it means a lot to me that you care."

"Don't you worry, Dawn. You know I am always there for you."

"I guess you better get back to class now. Unless you want to come in with me?" Dawn said, silently hoping her teacher would stay.

"Of course I'm not going to leave until I know you're alright." She said. "Come on, let's face the heat!"

---

Xanders voice on the principals phone didn't do much to calm Dawn down,  
but at least it confirmed that in fact nobody died. A short coverstory about her dad not being well ensured that Dawn was allowed to leave the school early to go home. With an apolegetic look at her teacher, who knew that the Summers women had no relationship at all with their father, she left the office.

"Buffy? Xander? Is everyone really alright?" Dawn blurted out as she stormed into the Summers house through the front door.

"Yes, Dawnie. Come here, sit down. We just decided to have this serious talk a little earlier." Buffy said calmly. "There is something you need to know about Giles."

"Is Giles OK? Oh my god, please tell me nothing happened to Giles!"

"Calm down, Dawnster. I promise you nothing has changed since you and Buffy visited him yesterday. We just ... we didn't ..." Xander lost his focus while awkwardly patting the couch next to him, motioning Dawn to sit down.

"We just didn't tell you the whole truth about his condition." Buffy swallowed, then straightened her face and continued. "We didn't want to worry you until we knew more, but clearly, you are not a child anymore and we decided that you need to know."

"Go on." Dawn said quietly, not liking the way this was going at all.

"We told you that he was in the hospital because of the damage Willow did to him when they fought." The younger sister nodded. "That's only part of it. The reason why he is still there, and not home with us, is what Willow did. Because she took the magic from him."

"But it was just borrowed magic, he told us, that's why he didn't die,  
like that Rack freak." Dawn tried to argue.

"Yes Dawnie. That's why he isn't dead." Xander took over the explanation. "I'm not big on the scientific details, but just because he didn't die doesn't mean it left him unharmed. The doctors with their prodding and poking aren't entirely sure themself, but it seems that Giles' body is too weak to live on its own."

"That's why all these machines are in his room." Buffy cut in again.  
"His heart can't beat on his own, his lungs need help, all of his organs need support."

"So what are you saying, is he like, dying?" Dawn ask, worried and confused by what she heard. Up until now, she thought that the only reason Giles was in the hospital was because of the broken bones and concussions he suffered when fighting Willow.

"No, Dawnie, no." Buffy moved closer to her sister, hugging her lightly for comfort. "He's not dying. But he's not well, and he isn't getting any better. The doctors don't know how to fix him, and if he doesn't improve, he will have to stay at the hospital, hooked to all those gizmos." She swallowed. "Permanently."

"Well, then we have time to fix it, right? Find a cure, find out what did this to him ..."

"Dawn, we know what, who did this to him. But yes, it gives us time to find a cure. It's been done to him magically, there has to be a way to undo it. This isn't like mom, it's not natural, we can fight it."

"So this is why you made me lie to him about Willow. You are afraid if he hears ..." She swallowed. "That it would be too much. That he would get worse."

"Yeah Dawnster. The doctors said we must absolutely not upset him, he has to stay calm at all times."

"Why didn't you tell me? I had a right to know!" Dawn asked angrily,  
now that her primary fears were adressed.

Xander opened his mouth, but Buffy stood up abruptly, motioning him to let her talk and turning away from Dawn, looking out of the window.

"That was my call, Dawn. I asked Xander to be with me on this, so don't be angry with him. When Giles' doctor first talked to me, he knew even less than what we know now. He didn't know if Giles ... if he'd even wake up after the first operation. I didn't want you to be in a constant worry about him. I hoped he would get better after a few days."

"You had no right to ..."

"No, I didn't. I tried to protect you from the world as if you were a child." She turned to her sister, her eyes asking for forgiveness. "I'm sorry. I'm just not yet used to you being a little woman." She walked back to the couch. "Can you forgive me?"

"Still taller than you." The teenager stood up, hugging her sister.  
"And of course I forgive you for trying to protect me. But you better get used to it fast, this better be the last confession I hear from you. And you too, you big doofus." She added as she pulled Xander into the hug.

"Ok, Willow is doing so bad that I don't think you've been lying about her either, have you?" She asked with a casual voice, but the undertones betrayed her feelings. She wanted the full truth now.

"No, you are right. But she can't know about Giles, Dawn." Her sister explained as the three of them sat down. "You know how she is. Hearing that she did that to Giles would finish her."

---

"Couldn't we call those stupid Council guys? They have so many ressources, perhaps they could find a cure for Giles. I don't like them, but I could go on a buisness trip while they are in town, maybe china, there's a lot of open vengeance demon positions over there"  
Anya asked while sipping her coffee.

"Buffy said they already tried, the Council has, as usual, no clue.  
They have given us a contact to a coven somewhere in ireland who is researching for us, but apparently it's never happened to anyone before. To survive something like this, I mean." Dawn explained while stirring her cocoa.

Since Tara died, and Willow being out of comission, Anya had quickly became her lady-friend of choice when needing someone to talk to. The vengeance demon's unique view of the world would usually cheer her up,  
and Anya was one of the few people that she could tell anything without having to worry about upsetting her. She was also one of the few people that didn't treat her like a child, and would openly discuss more adult issues like sex or death and loss with her. Adding to that the fact that Anya could instantly teleport to whereever she was, and apparently could drop whatever she was doing at any time Dawn needed her, made the two spend more and more time together.

"Well, that's no big surprise. If it weren't for all those machines,  
Giles would be dead already, and medical science has only been around for a few decades. If this had happened even a hundred years ago, he would have just died, so obviously there can't be ancient texts about how to treat someone for this." Anya mused. "And since his body isn't broken, no healing spell could have saved him."

"I guess you are right. I just wish we could talk to Willow about it. I mean, she did it, perhaps she could undo it."

"Yeah, but for once I have to agree with the local slayer. If we told Willow, she'd lose it completely." Anya considered for a moment. "On the other hand, there's not much to lose. Perhaps we should try to tell her, I mean, maybe she can fix Giles before turning into a vegetable.  
Then we would have a functioning watcher at least."

"Willow can't even tie her shoes anymore. I wouldn't let her within a mile of Giles!" Dawn pointed out aggressively.

"Yes, I suppose you are right." Anya confessed. "But you, look at you,  
you don't seem too hot today either. Are you sure you are dealing ok?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's a lot to take in, you know?" Dawn said sadly.

"I could cheer you up, tell you about some of my more funny vengeance jobs. Or I could let you do a little vengeance!"

The tall teenager looked at her shocked.

"Now, now, not life and death stuff, but you know, maybe you could wish for some warts on Buffys nose for lying to you, or some funny non-fatal diseases on Xander." The vengeance demons face brightened up. "Or perhaps some really harmless vengeance on a classmate that pissed you off, like making her always forget her homework or scratching herself in embarassing places in public!"

Dawn actually laughed at the suggestions, picturing her older sister with a huge wart on her nose.

"Thank you Anya, that's really sweet of you. You have come a long way,  
you know that, right?" She added in a more serious voice. "I know you joke and you act all big and tough, but Hallie told me that you don't do the life and death kind of vengeance anymore."

"Halfrek visited you?" Anya asked shocked, knowing that her best demon friend was a lot less harmless than her.

"You know she visits me from time to time, Anya. It's ok, don't worry.  
She always tries to bait me into wishing something big, but to be honest, I don't think she's really serious about it anymore. She is taking after you." Dawn smiled.

"What do you mean, taking after me? Halfrek is dangerous, Dawn, you shouldn't talk to her."

"Oh, she always goes like 'Dawn, don't you wish Willow was never born'  
or 'Don't you sometimes wish your sister wasn't the slayer?' when we meet, but then I poke her shoulder with my index and say no, and she lets it drop completely. Last week she even stopped me from accidently making a wish."

"Wow, Hallie joining the soft leage, who would have known." Anya pondered the thought for a moment, very surprised by what her young friend said. "Did you know that D'Hoffryn officially made a new job description for me?"

"What do you mean by that? I thought you already had one, vengeance demon." Dawn said, slightly confused.

"Oh, yes, but he realized that I'm not doing any of the big bad stuff anymore, so he changed it. I'm now officially a 'justice demon.  
Basicly he said that I can keep my powers and not kill people, as long as I use my powers selfishly enough and not to fight demons." Anya proudly explained. "Reduced powers." She added a bit grumpily.

"That is so cool, Anya. I'm really happy for you. I know how bad you felt without your powers and how worried you were that D'Hoffryn would take them away again. And how awesome is having 'selfishness' being a job criteria?"

The two women laughed, and ordered a new round of drinks, for a moment forgetting all the horrible things in their lives. 


	2. Mending

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

LOVE/GRAPHIC SEX DISCLAIMER: This story will depict love sexual relationships between all kinds of genders, races or species. If you can't deal, don't read.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

PAIRING: Remains to be seen.

Part 2 - Mending

"Anya, could you come over?" Buffy asked, hoping the vengeance demon would understand her over the bad static in the phone line.

"Done." Anya appeared next to Buffy in a swirl of colors. "Sorry for the bad reception, I was in Peru, turning an unfaithful husband's box of chocolate for his girlfriend into a box of llama dung." She chuckled. "I'm always amazed how good you can curse in spanish."

"I'm sorry to pull you from work, I really am. But I was hoping you could do me a little favor?"

"No problem, I was all done. And we don't get paid, so we can take off however much time we want. I'm thinking of reopening the Magic Box and only doing vengeance work on my off hours and weekends." Anya prattled on excitedly.

"The coven in ireland called me, they have a book that they believe might help with Giles." Buffy interjected, knowing that Xander's ex-fiancé tended to veer off-track easily. "They want to send it over,  
but you know how it is with ancient tomes, you can't really UPS them,  
and it would take like a week. I was hoping you could, you know, pop over and grab it for us. I'll probably also need your demony knowledge to understand the spell they found."

"Oh, sure. I'm like the demon UPS. Abusing my powers like that actually gets me plus points with the boss. So why don't you call them, let them know that I come, so they don't try to banish or vanquish or stab me when I teleport into their library?"

Buffy grinned, picked up the phone, and after a short conversation hung up again.

"They expect you at 2PM, our time. They need to copy some of the other spells in the book before they are ready to part with it."

"I don't see why they couldn't have just scanned the spell and sent it via email. We live in the 21st century, you know?"

"Don't look at me, demon girl. You know I don't get this old stuffy books deal either." Buffy shrugged. "So how about the Magic Box, do you need help getting it back up running?" She asked, hoping to pass the time until they could get the book.

"Well, you know, there's a lot of damage." Anya sighed and sat down at the table.

"I could help you with that, I mean hello, super strength here. And I did sort of break half of the things in there." She added sadly,  
remembering her fight with Willow.

"The reason I have put it off for so long is that the thing I need most is a good carpenter." Anya confessed to her friend. "And whatever I do,  
it sends out a message. If I hire Xander, it will look like I forgave him, and if I hire someone else it will make him sad and hurt."

"I thought you wanted to, you know, make him hurt?" Buffy asked softly.  
It was a difficult topic for her, because Xander was her best friend,  
but she also understood Anya's desire for revenge.

"Oh, I don't know what I want. I thought after I got back into my old job, I would forget about Xander, but being so close to him over the last few months, taking care of Giles, of Willow and of you two, I'm not so sure anymore."

Anya blinked a bit, then continued. "He kinda grows on me. Like a fungus. And lately, when I lie in bed at night and ..."

Buffy coughed demonstratively, knowing Anya's complete disregard for tact.

"... do things that I don't talk about in public and would certainly never mention to Dawn, I think about him a lot." Anya finished her sentence without even flinching at Buffy's cough. "You should see a doctor, that's a nasty cough."

---

The book hadn't brought mugh insight, as it was as cryptic and difficult to understand as Buffy had expected from the ancient tome.  
Anya had excused herself, teleporting off to get some vengeance work done, and Dawn, who had become quite adept at decyphering old texts wasn't home from school yet. Buffy frowned, she didn't like the idea of her little sister reading about demons and magic, but over the last year, with Giles back in england, Willow off and on the black magic band waggon and Tara moving out, she had been the only one with the patience to do research. "And the brains." Buffy dryly confessed to herself.

Buffy was just about to drop the book to get another coffee, as her phone rung.

"Buffy Summers?"

"Miss Summers, are you able to speak freely?" The female voice on the other end inquired without giving as much as her name.

"Yes, I am. Who is this?"

"I'm sorry, this is Mrs Launder, Mr. Travers' assistant. He'd like to talk to you, can I put you through?"

"Sure." Buffy replied nervously. Having the head of the council call her was not exactly something she was used to, but with Giles out of commission, she realized that she was the obvious choice for the council to contact.

"Miss Summers." The familiar voice greeted her.

"Hello, Quentin. How are things on the other side of the planet?" Buffy knew that it bugged the much older man when she used his first name,  
but the council hadn't exactly treated her well over the years, and making them feel better was the last thing on her mind.

"As well as can be expected. The council has an unusual proposal to make, and I beg of you that you seriously consider it before rejecting it. We came to the conclusion that it could be an important asset to you and your ... team. Even though we do realize that it at first will sound repulsive to you."

"Quentin, are you going to tell me about this suggestion of yours anytime soon?" Buffy asked, quickly getting annoyed by the watchers stiff voice.

"We have been going over the recent events involving you and your friends, and we believe that you are in dire need of mental health care."

There was a long pause; Buffy was completely speechless.

"Miss Summers, are you still there?"

"You want have me admitted?" She managed to ask, still shocked, her mind busy with a thousand worries about how to avoid the council.

"Oh, god, no. I have to apologize for not being clear. We want to send you council trained psychiatrist." Quentin Travers clarified.

"A shrink?" Buffy asked, still too confused to manage to say much.

"I suppose that is a term you could use. We came to realize that with the events of the last two years, the loss of your mother, your own death, the loss of your friend Miss McClay, Miss Rosenberg's path towards black magic and the ... event at Miss Anya's and Mister Harris'  
wedding, you and your friends could benefit from having a trained professional to talk to."

He paused a moment, seeing if Buffy had anything to say, then continued. "You couldn't talk to a normal therapist or psychiatrist,  
because basicly every word you said would have to be carefully considered not to betray your true destiny, going against the very idea of talking to someone. There are very well trained specialists that are members of the council, which whom you could freely talk."

"And why would you offer that. So you could have a spy right here in Sunnydale, telling you every secret we might share?" Buffy asked angrily, having somewhat recovered from the first shock of the unusual suggestion.

"I assure you, Miss Summers, you would all enjoy full doctor-patient-confidentiality, just as it would be the case with any other doctor. Please excuse my bluntness, but if we wanted to spy on you, we would simply plant surveillance equipment into your house." He pointed out the obvious fact, that with the councils ressources, spying on Buffy and her friends would be easy without their cooperation.

"Then why? You never seemed to care much about my health in the first place." Buffy wasn't about to let the issue drop.

"As I pointed out, the latest events in Sunnydale would have left everyone emotionally and psychiologically scarred. If you don't believe that you could benefit from professional council yourself, then I ask of you to consider your sister, or your best friend. Mister Harris." He added the name after a short pause.

"So this is what this is about. Willow. You think what has happened could have been stopped if she had went to see a therapist?" She accused.

"That is part of the reason, yes." The head of the watchers council readily confessed. "Miss Summers, after our last meeting two years ago,  
the council had much to think about."

"Like you not calling the shots anymore?" Buffy snapped.

"As a matter of fact. As you pointed out then, we'd have to change if we wanted to continue being a support for the slayer line in the future. If you can, accept this as a first step from our side to a new partnership. Please understand that this is only an offer. If you decide against it, we will not try to force it upon you."

The old man sounded almost tired, as he continued. "When we met then,  
you made it clear to us that some of the old methods were too antiquated to be applied to slayers in the new millenium." He coughed.  
"To get back to the point. We believe with the absence of Mister Giles,  
it is important for all of you to have a person you can talk to freely.  
If you yourself don't believe you are in need of such a person, I hope you will at least acknowledge that your younger sister would benefit from it, as well as possibly the rest of your friends."

Buffy pondered the thought for a moment, then replied. "Assuming I would agree, which I haven't decided yet, how exactly would this work?"

"Well, we have about half a dozen trained candidates. We would send you their personel files, so that you could decide which of them you consider best suited for your unique group. Additionally, an interview over the phone could be arranged, if you deemed neccessary."

"Go on." Buffy wasn't sold on the idea yet, but couldn't shake the thought that despite her history with the council, Dawn might be in need of the offer, and wasn't about to discard it without giving it some serious thought.

"Your choice would then be sent to Sunnydale, where they would open a regular psychiatric praxis, taking on regular patients. You and your friend would, of course, always come first. You could talk to him or her as often or as rarely as you wish, and about anything you wish. All your conversations would be treated absolutely discreet, not even me being privy to the details."

"I'll think about it and call you back, Mr Travers. Thank you for calling me." buffy hung up the phone, then slumped down on the kitchen chair. That was the last thing she had ever expected from the council.

---

"Stop pacing, Buffy, or go and pace outside!" Dawn complained.  
Understanding the old texts was hard enough without her sister giving her the 'Hurry up, hurry up!' pacing while she was reading.

"You said yourself, Giles is stable, so it's not like rushing me would do him any good."

"I'm sorry, I just feel so useless."

"Well, it's not my fault that our entire research team is gone!" Dawn snapped. "I'm, I'm sorry, Buffy, thats not what I meant."

"No, you are right Dawn. Giles is barely alive, Tara isn't, and Willow ..." Buffy sighed, then sat down next to her sister.

"It's like our head was cut off." Dawn agreed.

"Well, at least we got your pretty head left. I don't get how you can not get all A's at school, you are better at research than any of them,  
except perhaps Giles."

"If ancient nubian would be a class, I'd get A's all the time." She joked lightly. "Wait, that can't be right."

"What is it, Dawn?" Buffy asked, seeing her sister tensing.

"This say here that after what Willow did to Giles, he has no soul anymore!" Dawn said sharply. "As I said, that can't be right. Let me read, Buffy."

"He doesn't act like someone without a soul. He's not evil!" Buffy said, raising her voice a little.

"Buffy, do you even listen? I said it can't be right, meaning that this translation is flawed. Go fetch me the summerian dictionary." The tall brunette was annoyed. "We don't have the original text, so I have to see which word in summerian could have been translated mistakenly as 'soul' into nubian."

She hurriedly flipped through the dictionary. She knew she was on to something. The coven didn't find anything in the book that could help Giles, but if it had indeed been inacurratly translated, the might have missed something.

"There, that makes much more sense." She pointed to a line. "'goch' can be translated into soul, but it can also mean lifeforce. The book is mostly about warlocks, who used their magic to steal souls from people,  
so it's an obvious translation. But 'goch' can also mean lifeforce,  
which is exactly what Giles is missing."

"So why didn't those witches pick it up?"

"Because this spell reads as one used to restore the soul to a person who's soul you took, and we knew Giles didn't lose his soul, so they didn't pay much attention to it."

"But if it means lifeforce ..."

"Exactly, it means that this spell can be used to return Giles'  
lifeforce back to him." Dawn explained.

"So we found a cure? We can cure Giles?" Buffy jumped to her feet excited. Then she frowned, as she noticed that her sister wasn't looking very excited. "What's wrong?"

"Remember what I said, Buffy. It can be used to return the lifeforce you took from someone."

"And? I thought you said that's what Willow did to Giles?" Buffy looked confused.

"Exactly, Buffy. What Willow did. She is the only one that can cure Giles, she has his lifeforce, only she can return it."

"Oh god." Buffy said down, suddenly feeling cold. "Then Giles will die." 


	3. And So It Begins

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

LOVE/GRAPHIC SEX DISCLAIMER: This story will depict love sexual relationships between all kinds of genders, races or species. If you can't deal, don't read. This particular part might include a scene where a demon toad has sexual intercourse with an oversized pink donkey. You'll have to read it to find out.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

PAIRING: Remains to be seen.

Part 3 - And so it begins

"Oh man." Xander sighed heavily. "I can understand why Buffy bolted to go out and beat some undead or some demon to a pulp."

"Well, I'm not Buffy and I'm not going to run from this." Dawn said sharply. "If Willow is the only one that can fix Giles, then she's our new priority, as ironic as that might be."

"Dawn, please. Don't talk like that about Willow. I mean I know what she did, especially to you, but she's still my best friend. She's Willow. She wasn't herself then, she just lost ... I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to Anya." The young man defended his friend sadly.

"Not try to kill all your friends, thats for sure." She said with a stern look on her face. "But lighten up, Xander. Against my will I seem to be forced to be on your side for once."

"So what do you suggest?" Xander asked, gladly moving to a less confrontational topic.

"Well, this spell can help Giles, so there is nothing more to do. We can completely focus on finding a way to make Willow cast it. And that's why I'm going there right now."

"Dawn, you can't. Remember what Buffy said!"

"Buffy is neither my mother nor my boss. I make my own decisions.  
Willow is not suddenly one day going to change to the better, you know that. And she can't really get any worse. I'm willing to take that risk, and I'm going to."

"I'm not going to let you, Dawn. It's too dangerous!" Xander jumped to his feet, pacing around angrily. "We agreed not to tell Willow about Giles."

"Well, you didn't ask me when you agreed on that behind my back. And I'm not going ask you now. You can come with me if you want to be there, but you are not going to stop me." A dangerous element entered her voice. "Right now I have to decide between letting Giles, our Giles rot in the hospital or telling a woman that tried to kill me, you, my sister, Giles and to destroy whole earth the TRUTH about what she did and how to fix it."

"Dawn, I ..."

"I decided for the latter. Are you coming or staying?"

---

"Dawnie, how nice of you to visit me. Did you tend the flowers? The garden needs a lot of work this time of year, and you know how much Tara likes the flowers. Did she come with you?" A voice came from the dark corner in the room, a voice Dawn usually only heard in her nightmares.

Dawn swallowed hard, then entered the room. This all seemed much more easy when she decided to do it in the living room of the Summers house.  
Now that she was here, her resolve began to crumble.

"Willow. I need to talk to you about what you did. To Giles." Her voice betrayed her feelings, breaking lightly.

"Giles? Did I yell at him or something? You know I forget things,  
Dawnie, I forget so much. Is Giles here? I will apologize to him." The voice from the darkness answered. Some movement in the shadows pointed Dawn to where Willow was cowered.

"No, Willow. Giles is not here. Please try to concentrate. Giles is not well, he is in the hospital. Do you understand me?"

"Giles is not well? Does he have the flu? People get a lot of spring flu. Why would he go to the hospital because he has the flu?"

"Giles doesn't have the flu. He's really sick. He could die. But you can help him, Willow. You just have to concentrate, to remember.  
Please." The young woman's voice shaked, her hopes growing smaller by the minute. It had been a while since she saw Willow, but she didn't recall it being this bad.

"Nonsense, Dawnie. Giles can't die, he's a librarian. Did Tara bring me flowers?"

"Willow, FOCUS!" Dawn started yelling. Tara is DEAD. Giles is going to die, but you can stop it. Help me, Willow, don't let him die!"

Willow crawled out of the shadows in the far corner of the padded cell,  
looking confused for a moment, then looking back up at Dawn. "You just say that because you forgot to water the flowers, and they died. Just ask Tara to get some fresh ones for you. Did Tara come with you?"

---

"Shhh, shhh." Xander hugged the tall brunette that had curled up in his arms, sobbing silently. "Willow is not going to be able to help us.  
It's not your fault. We knew it was a long shot at best." He didn't add that it was clear from the beginning that coming here was a mistake.  
Right now, the woman that had always been like a kid sister to him didn't need to hear this.

"But what can we do? We can't just let Giles rot there waiting to die"  
She sobbed harder.

"I don't think there is any way to reach Willow, Dawn. I don't think she could do the magic if she wanted to and was lucid long enough. I don't think ..." He interrupted himself, noticing that he was babbleing. "I think there is just too big of a piece missing from her"  
He gently stroked Dawns hair, trying to calm her down, when she suddenly tensed. "Dawn?"

"My god. Alexander Harris, you are a genious!" She jumped to her feet,  
kissing him on his cheek, then speeding out of the Sunnydale Mental Hospital.

"I suppose I am." He smiled confused, then followed her.

He had barely time to jump in the passanger seat of his car, before Dawn drove off towards their home. After he put on his seatbelt, he turned towards Dawn.

"Ok, Dawnmeister, two things. A), slow down, it's not going to do anyone any good if you kill us on the road. B), whats the good news that I seem to be oblivious to?"

Slowing down considerably, Dawn chuckled lightly. "What you said was completely right. I know why Willow isn't getting any better, why she is like this. When the magic left her, it took something with it. Just like you said. A piece of her is missing."

"OK, not quite following here. Why are we all excited about that?"

"Because, Xander. I believe there is a way to follow the magic, to find the place where it went. To get the missing piece back. To make Willow whole again, and able to cure Giles." Dawn explained excitedly.

"You mean you can cure Willow and Giles? And you just thought of that?"

"No, doofus, you did. I just have the knowledge about how to do it. Or rather, I know where to find it."

"But ... if you want to follow the path her magic went ... isn't that,  
you know, dangerous?"

---

"It's too dangerous, Dawn."

"For any of us, Buffy. You could do it. Your slayer essence will keep you anchored to this world. You could go there and find your way back"  
Dawn was growing annoyed by her sister's refusal to even consider her plan.

"And what happens if I say no?" Buffy challenged. She had already made up her mind, but she wanted to know the stakes, and she knew she wouldn't get it out of her sister if she didn't pretend that she had to be convinced.

"Then I will go."

"But Dawn, you said Buffy could only do it because she's a slayer. You aren't." Xander pointed out the obvious flaw.

"I said being the slayer would allow her to find her way back. Her slayer essence is rooted to this world, so it would stay here, and be a beacon for her, marking the right path."

"So, if you were to do it, you couldn't find your way back? You would have to stay there?"

"Well, there would still be a chance for me to find my way back. A really small chance though. But I will do it, if I have to, because it's the only way to help Giles."

Buffy stood up, letting her facade drop and pulled Dawn into a hug.

"I'm proud of you, little sis. Mom would be, too. Explain me what I have to do."

---

"Are you sure we shouldn't call the coven, ask them to send us a witch,  
to do the spell?" Buffy was nervous, after the last year she knew how much really could go wrong with magic. Giles, of course, had been warning them all, especially Willow, for years, but seeing it first hand had made it much more real.

"No, it's so simple that anyone could do it. I already called Sue from the coven and let her go over the spell to make sure. It's just ingredients and words, no brainy focussing or concentrating or stuff like that needed." Dawn calmed her sister down, for the fourth time this day.

"Good thing Anya still had all this junk lying around at the ruins of the magic box. Probably would have taken us forever to dig half of the things up elsewhere."

"It's mostly just standard stuff. Magic standard, I mean."

Buffy went through the list, comparing it to the things on the table.  
"Five rat tails. Ten frog eyes. Yuck! Why can't spells ever ask for something less icky and more nice? And also, more available in the typical household. Some oregano, perhaps, or vanilla. At least those smell good."

"Yeah, and you would risk raising zombies or transforming your children into demon toads each time you cooked dinner." Dawn mocked her sister.

"Ok, all the gross stuff checks out fine. What else is there to know before we get this show on the road?"

"Well, theres some painting on the floor, and don't worry, it comes out if you wash it with vinegar." The tall brunette interjected the last part as her sister was about to interrupt her. "Also some spell words,  
I marked yours in yellow, but we can go over them again before we do this. There is one more thing, though."

"And you waited to tell me this until now. Makes me think it's something I'm not going to like." Buffy was suddenly careful, realizing that her sister got her into a position where she couldn't easily back off if it was something she didn't like.

"Well, you know I told you that the spell would take a long time to work. You would be in a trance for a few days, maybe up to week, while searching for Willows missing piece." Buffy nodded for her to go on.  
"Well, while you are in trance, there is a magical link between your body and your spirit."

"So?" Buffy asked, not understanding. "Isn't that a good thing? I mean,  
that's what will help me find my way back, right?"

"Yeah. But it's also, uh, visible, to supernatural beings at least"  
Dawn tried to avoid her sisters stare.

"Still not seeing the big issue here. Just spit it out already."

"It means that vampires, demons and whatnot can ... could see it from the outside. Not from far, just from, you know, down the street perhaps."

"So the casa del Summer would become a demon magnet. Our own little hellmouth?"

"No, nothing that bad. I mean, we live in Sunnydale, but how many demons walk around our front porch? And most demons know where you live and to stay clear anyways." Dawn tried to downplay the issue.

"I see. And who's going to protect you, while I'm zoned out? And, for that matter, who's going to protect ME?"

"Already thought of that." Dawn said smugly, reaching for the phone and punching in a number, then handing the phone to Buffy.

"No one is at the office right now, so please leave us your number and a message, and Angel Investigations will call you back as soon as possible." 


	4. Old Wounds

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Old Wounds

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': After being drained by Willow, Giles is in the hospital's ICU, his body unable to function on it's own. Dawn figured out the reason, Willow took more than the magic, she took Giles'  
lifeforce. And she's the only one who can return it. The only problem:  
when Willow let go of the magic, a part of her was lost as well. She is currently in a mental institution, being unable to hold any thought for more than a few seconds. Dawn has found a spell to restore her, and convinced her sister to perform it.

SPECIAL REQUEST: This is the first part where I started having (minor)  
contradictions and issues with continuity. So if you spot anything that doesn't make sense, or contradicts something said or suggested in the previous parts, please please please let me know. Also, please check the end, there's a few things I put there.

Part 4 - Old Wounds

"Can you run by me again why we have to involve Angel?" Xander asked Dawn, while he played around nervously with a spell ingredient.

"Because this spell will take Buffy out for a good while, at least a few days, and it attracts unwanted attention. We need someone here to protect Buffy's body, someone that can kill a few demons and vampires without breaking too much of a sweat. I couldn't reach Riley, so Angel is our only option." Dawn calmly explained to Xander, knowing he didn't particularily like that part of the plan. "And stop playing with that."

"Why, is it like blessed and cleansed or something?" He didn't stop.

"No, but it's a very ... /personal/ organ of a rogh demon. We need it to make the spell more ... potent." Dawn said, avoiding Xander's eyes.

"You mean it's ... it's a ... oh my god!" He dropped the small object.  
"I'm going to have to shrub my hands. Until they bleed." He jumped to his feet, heading towards the kitchen.

Dawn laughed. "Calm down, it's a root. I'm just teasing."

"Just when I stop worrying about Angel being evil, you turn out to have joined the dark side." Xander sat down, breathing heavily.

"You are embarassed now, wait until I tell Anya about it. You won't live that down for weeks." She went back to being serious. "So how are things with you?"

"Better, I think. She hired me to help her fix the magic box." A smile came to his face. "It's not like we are moving in together, but I think it's a first step. And she's the one who made it, so maybe she is considering to forgive me."

Dawn smiled, as her friend kept on talking about his ex fiancé. She was happy that the two of them were trying to patch things up, and also relieved that Xander didn't make too much of a fuss over calling Angel.  
She knew that he didn't like the vampire, soul or not, and she was also aware that he didn't feel comfortable with calling in 'outside muscle.  
Of course he didn't have any illusions about being able to fight demons or vampires on his own, but having his nose pointed at that fact still wasn't nice.

---

"Are you sure Angel said ten?" Anya paced around the living room of the summers house. "It's twenty past, and I'm getting bored already."

"Angel didn't say anything. Wesley called us back and said that Angel got the call and was on his way." Buffy explained, even though she knew that the vengeance demon didn't really care. "And we can't start until Xander brings over Willow anyways."

"And the Xandman to the rescue!" The aforementioned walked through the front door. "Can someone give me a hand with Willow? She's still in the cab, I brought the baggage first." He dropped the bags near the couch,  
then went back outside, Buffy behind him.

A few moments later, they both came back, holding Willow between them,  
helping her walk. The young woman looked much paler than usual, and had obvious trouble walking, so they quickly helped her to the couch and settled her down.

"Everything go ok with the doctors?" Buffy asked after Willow was comfortably tucked in on the couch and under a colorful blanket.

"Yeah. They weren't happy, but they didn't really have any pressing reason to keep her there. She isn't violent, and I've assured them that we will have someone watching her 24/7. They gave me all kinds of fancy named medication goodness." His face turned a bit sad, remembering that he had to ask the doctor to write him a list on when and what to give her, hating himself for not being smarter, not being able to even remember the names of the stuff his best friend had to take now.

"She doesn't actually have to take them, Xander. Remember, she will be out cold with Buffy. Their bodies will slow down into hibernation so much that the effects of her current medication will not wear off, just like Buffy won't have to eat or drink while they are out." Dawn explained.

"Right, right, you explained that. Now I feel like a double idiot. Not only can't I remember the names of the stuff, I can't even remember the simple fact that we don't need them."

"It's alright, Xander. And it's a good thing you forgot, we don't want the docs to get suspicious." Buffy tried to cheer her friend up, then taking a quick glance over her shoulder back into the living room,  
where Anya talked softly to Willow, gently patting her hand. "I just wish Angel would show up already."

"Peaches ain't coming, luv."

---

"Spike. Get out." Buffy said coldly, while Xander and Dawn stood up and stepped closer to Buffy.

"You might be able to hurt her, but you can't hurt us, and we can stake you." Dawn added, her voice a tiny bit shakey.

"Which will happen in about fifteen seconds." Xander chimed in.

"Calm down. I took care of that little problem. I can't hurt Buffy anymore. And not you buggers either." He said casually while dropping his black duster over a chair. "Angel sent me."

"Angel what?" Buffy had to control herself to stop from screaming.  
"There is no way that Angel would ever ..."

"Things change, luv." Spike interrupted her calmly. "I have been with Angel ever since I left. He trusts me to help you, and he can't leave LA right now. Something about a demon army wanting to eat his son.  
Since you expected Mister Broody, I take it you stocked up on blood and covered up the windows?"

"This is so not happening. Name one good reason why I shouldn't stake you right here, right now?"

"Giles." Dawn said softly, looking at Buffy in apollogy. "Do we have another choice?"

"The hell we have." Buffy said angrily, then storming out the kitchen.

"Thank you, little bit. Good thing that at least one person here can see reason." Spike said, grinning, and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. "So what's going on that you need big ba ..."

He was interrupted by Dawn grabbing his coat and pinning him to the wall, holding a bread knife to his throat.

"What the bloody ..." He managed to get out, before Dawn moved closer,  
pressuring the knife until he started bleeding.

"Listen to me carefully, Spike. Leaving was the right choice. Things here have been bad. We all went through a lot." He coughed and attempted to say something. Her right hand still holding the knife, her left grabbed his chin and squeezed. "Don't you DARE say anything now.  
We know what happened, what you did. We all do. We are not your friends. If you weren't the only way we could help Giles, this knife would be a stake, and you'd be nothing but a pile of dust now. But you get mouthy, you bug Buffy, you as much as look at her the wrong way,  
and I promise you that we will find another way to save Giles."

She got back up, letting go of the knife. "Go and wait in the basement.  
You don't need to be there for the spell, so don't be. We will call you when Buffy is out."

Xander took his arm around her shoulder, stunned by what she just did,  
but not complaining, and they both left the kitchen. Spike just stayed on the wall, looking shocked. Things in Sunnydale had changed more than he had expected.

---

"Buffy, are you alright?" Xander asked from the bedroom door into the dark room. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm sorry I just bolted, it was just too much at once"  
Buffy said, her voice calmer now. "What happened downstairs? Did you kill Spike?" Was that hope in her voice?

"No, actually, Dawn almost did. She gave him the most scariest speech I have ever heard." He sat down next to his best friend on the bed. "You don't have to see him anymore before the spell, and we will make sure that he is gone by the time you wake up. I'm sure Angel didn't know"  
He added softly.

"Makes you wonder what happened in LA for Angel to trust him." There was a bitterness to her voice that surprised even herself. "A question I intend to ask him myself as soon as all of this is done and over."

---

"Are you done with the outer drawing, Anya?" Dawn asked as she spred the herbs over the corners of the center drawing.

"Yes, it all looks very pretty. Even Willow said so. She likes to play with the ..." She interrupted herself as she stepped closer to Dawn.  
"Are you crying?"

"No, just some powdered amethyst in my eye." Dawn lied.

"What's wrong Dawnie? I heard some ruckus in the kitchen, but I thought that was just Buffy staking Spike." The blonde woman asked confused.  
She hoped that it was nothing she did or said, it was bad enough that sometimes she made Xander cry when she said something about Willow or Giles or Tara that didn't quite fit into human society.

"It's Spike, what else?" Dawn sat down, next to the oblivious Willow,  
who played with the furry ending of the blanket. "He was my best friend, Anya. I cared for him, I needed him, I even loved him at times.  
He was like a brother to me. How could he do something like that?" She sobbed openly now. "How could he do that and then just come back and run his mouth as if nothing happened?"

"I didn't want to come here." A horse voice come from the doorway.  
"Angel told me I had to. I couldn't tell him why I didn't want to come back." He stepped into the light. "Angel had to protect his son, he said I needed to go so Red and Rupert wouldn't die. And it's the only way to act I knew. Somehow I think saying 'sorry' would have been worse."

Looking around the prepared room, he sighed and turned around. "I'll be in the basement, until you need me. When this is over, I will leave and not come back again."

As the sobbing teenager clunged to the vengeance demon, Spike silently walked down the basement stairs, wondering how he managed to screw things up this fast.

--- Addon / Author's notes

I promise I'm almost done with the '100 negative' angle of the story.  
But after the end of season six, I deeply felt the need of pointing out how bad things really got, instead of the mushy wishy wash crap that was the beginning of the official season seven. I don't mind working towards a happy ending (not saying that mine will be, I haven't thought that far ahead yet), but I hated the way it was all swept under the rug. Just like after the end of season two, three and five, I think there were issues worth dealing with.

Next point: Do you want to read the 'spirit travel' or whatever that Buffy goes on ? I figure there is quite some mileage there, but I'm not sure it's something people would want to read. Would you rather have me continue the story pretty much 'after the spell' ? I need some input here. I have, of course, my own agenda regarding this, but I have literally no idea what anyone besides me thinks about it.

Next point: Does anyone actually want to read detailed spell descriptions, such as what herbs used, what the words mean and such ? I just skipped it so far, and I don't see a reason to elaborate, but maybe you do. If you do, tell me about it. Please.

Next point: I wouldn't hate some beta's. I would expect more than just spelling/grammar, though.

Next point: Are there any 'live' creative communities ? I'm thinking IRC mostly, but I'd be willing to compromise and install some crap like AIM or whatever is in nowadays. And for that matter, are there any decent communities or archives of GOOD (Buffy) fan fiction ? The only place I know is and that place is a big heap of cow dung.

Next point: I really enjoy reading long, non-focussed (i.e. not centered on a specific pairing or a specific Mary Sue) story lines,  
where I can read on for days on end. Any pointers where I can find anything like that ?

Last point: The following is the way I wrote part of this chapter earlier. Later on I thought that it was too extreme and not in-character for Dawn, so I replaced it with the current chapter.  
Still, I thought some people might be interested in reading it the way I originally wrote it. I tried to paint the rage Dawn must have felt when she heard and realized that the man she (once) had a crush on, who protected and cared for her during the time Buffy was dead, who was her big brother/best friend for a long time and who she thought deeply loved her sister would attempt something as atrocious as rape. And dear Spike-shippers, let's not kid ourselfs, that's what he tried to do.

---

"Spike. Get out." Buffy said coldly, while Xander and Dawn stood up and stepped closer to Buffy.

"You might be able to hurt her, but you can't hurt us, and we can stake you." Dawn added, her voice a tiny bit shakey.

"Which will happen in about fifteen seconds." Xander chimed in.

"Calm down. I took care of that little problem. I can't hurt Buffy anymore. And not you buggers either." He said casually while dropping his black duster over a chair. "Angel sent me."

"Angel what?" Buffy had to control herself to stop from screaming.  
"There is no way that Angel would ever ..."

"Things change, luv." Spike interrupted her calmly. "I have been with Angel ever since I left. He trusts me to help you, and he can't leave LA right now. Something about a demon army wanting to eat his son.  
Since you expected Mister Broody, I take it you stocked up on blood and covered up the windows?"

"This is so not happening. Name one good reason why I shouldn't stake you right here, right now?"

"Giles." Dawn said softly, looking at Buffy in apollogy. "Do we have another choice?"

"The hell we have." Buffy said angrily, then storming out the kitchen.

"Thank you, little bit. Good thing that at least one person here can see reason." Spike said, grinning, and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. "So what's going on that you need big ba ..."

He was interrupted by getting hit in the side of his face with a wooden bat, so violently that it knocked him to the floor and the bat broke in half. With a very audible thud his head collided with the floor. Before he could get back on his knees, Dawn stepped over his chest so that he looked up to her. In her hand were the remains of the wooden bat.

"What the bloody ..." He managed to get out through his split and bloodied lip, before Dawn knelt down, using the broken bat handle as a stake, plunging it into his chest.

"Listen to me carefully, Spike. Leaving was the right choice. Things here have been bad. We all went through a lot. We aren't children anymore, not even me." He coughed, spat some blood and attempted to say something. Her right hand still holding the improvised stake inside his chest, only inchest next to his heart, her left grabbed his throat and squeezed. "Don't you DARE say anything now. We know what happened, what you did. We all do. We are not your friends. If you weren't the only way we could help Giles, this stake would be an inch to the left, and you'd be nothing but a pile of dust now. But you get mouthy, you bug Buffy, you as much as look at her the wrong way, and I promise you that we will find another way to save Giles."

She got back up, letting go of the stake and his throat, and said coldly: "Go and clean yourself up. You don't need to be there for the spell, so don't be. We will call you when Buffy is out."

Xander took his arm around her shoulder, stunned by what she just did,  
but not complaining, and they both left the kitchen. Spike just stayed on the floor, coughing blood and looking shocked. Things in Sunnydale had changed more than he had expected. 


	5. Soul Seeking Part 1

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright p rty of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Soul Seeking Part 1

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': After being drained by Willow, Giles is in the hospital's ICU, his body unable to function on it's own. Dawn figured out the reason, Willow took more than the magic, she took Giles'  
lifeforce. And she's the only one who can return it. The only problem:  
when Willow let go of the magic, a part of her was lost as well. She is currently in a mental institution, being unable to hold any thought for more than a few seconds. Dawn has found a spell to restore her, and convinced her sister to perform it. A call to Angel to come and protect Buffy's body left them stranded with Spike. Not having any other choice, they have decided to go through with the spell.

Part 5 - Soul Seeking Part 1

A deep, slow thunder rumbled around the young, blonde woman, moving from her left to her front, then the right. "Where am I?" she asked with a scared voice. "WHO am I?". Looking down, she noticed that she was bare feet, clothed in white soft leather, reminiscient of the early native american tribes. "Hello?"

She could clearly hear a female voice, but not make out the words it said. Looking around, she couldn't see the speaker either. It was only now that she noticed she couldn't see much of anything. All around here were clouds, a thick fog and the soft sound of rumbleing thunder in the distance. She tried to concentrate on the ground, but as odd as it seemed, it was like she was standing inside the fog, with no noticeable ground beneath her.

Scared and confused, she wandered around, trying to find anything but fuzzy white forms. "Hello, can anyone hear me?"

"You have to focus. Try to listen to me!" The female voice said,  
sounding worried. "Concentrate on what I am saying. Can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes, I can hear you, who are you?"

"I'm Dawn, and you are Buffy. Try to remember, Buffy. You are my sister."

The blonde woman looked around confused. 'Sister?' It didn't sound right, she was certain she had no sister, even though she could not remember why she was so certain. "Where am I?"

"You are in the nether world, the spirit realm. Try to remember how you got here. Try to trace back your steps. It's important!" The voice stressed, sounding a bit shakey. "Focus on my voice, and let it lead you to your memories!"

She tried to do what the voice told her, focus on the voice, the words,  
trying to concentrate. Suddenly, a dim green light appeared before her,  
growing in intensity until it was blindingly bright. "Are you this green ball of light?"

"Yes, that's me. Look into the light, try to remember." The voice softly answered, now sounding like the voice of a young woman close to tears. "Try to remember me, Buffy."

"Dawn! Dawn, where am I? How did I get here?" Suddenly the young woman remembered that her name was Buffy, and that she was talking to her sister. "Dawn?"

---

With an audible cracking sound, the neck of the vampire snapped, as Spike nearly twisted off his head, panting hardly. "You OK back there?  
Sorry for the ruckus."

"Spike, you have to keep those things away from me." Dawn looked up from her position, lying in a perfect three-bladed star, head to head with her sister and Willow, both of them still unconscious. "If you keep letting them interrupt me, we might lose Buffy. Right now I'm the only thing keeping her mind where it belongs."

"You heard the lady, Spike, so stop slacking off!" Xander shouted aggressively, despite the fact that he spent most of the fight knocked out in a corner.

"I'm going back into the link, make sure nothing disturbs my body until I am done. Willow and Buffy can't wake up, but I'm just in trance, even kicking or hitting me will pull me out." Dawn explained as she lay back down, pushing her head against the head of her sister and the head of her former best friend. She was glad that neither of them noticed the single tear that rolled down her cheek.

---

"Dawn! Dawn! Where are you?" Buffy screamed into the fog.

"I'm back, I'm sorry Buffy. Do you remember where we are?" Dawn tried her best to ignore the previous interruption, knowing that things were at a critical phase right now.

"No, I'm in some sort of mist or nebular. I can't see anything. How did I get here?"

"The spell, Buffy. You are in the spirit realm. Remember, you are here to follow the path Willow's magic took."

"Yes, right, the magic. To get Willow's missing piece back, right? The part of her that died when the magic left?" As she said the words, her memory of them came back. She felt as if she just woke up, facts and thoughts dropping into her mind only as she focussed on them specifically.

"Yes, Buffy. Try to picture the magic, and then try to picture Willow."

As Buffy followed her sister's instructions, an image of Willow, her best friend, appeared in the mist. Only moments later, a distorted,  
twirling storm of dark colors formed around her friend's image. "Those colors, is that the magic?"

"Yes, Buffy. Now just remember the last moments, remember what Xander told us about them. How Willow broke down, how the magic started to leave her. You will see it moving, and you have to follow her." Dawns voice went silent for a moment, then continued. "I can't guide you from here on out anymore. Once you start following the path, time will move differently for you, and we won't be able to communicate anymore. Just remember your task, remember what you have to do and that you have to go back. Do you have any questions before I leave?"

"Why is the magic so dark and twirls so violently Dawn? I thought you said that magic was natural, that it would naturally flow around things?"

"You are in the spirit realm, Buffy. You only see the truth here.  
Willow's magic was never natural or peaceful." Dawn's vocie was cold and hard now. "Willow turned her magic into an abomination long ago."

"Wish me luck." Buffy said loudly into the mist, and the started to follow the path the thunderstorm of dark colors took as it left the image of her friend.

---

"Alright, she is gone. Now all we can do is wait." Dawn said as she stood up, looking down at her sister. "Let me get a weapon."

"Not to worry anyone or anything, but there's been quite a lot of uninvited guests here while you were gone, Dawnster. I'm not sure how we are going to survive this for a whole week. I mean, we have to sleep some time, don't we?" Xander asked as he handed her a sword. "Also,  
there's vampires here, and I don't talk about Captain Peroxide, without an invitation."

Dawn sighed. "I told you, as long as the spell is in effect, this house emmanates too much mystical energy to be protected by the usual rules.  
But on the plus side, nothing can get in here as long as Buffy and Willow are in broad daylight. So during the times Spike is refined to the basement, we can sleep and recover."

"Still not gonna be a pleasant week, Dawn. Are you sure you don't have any other favors you can call in to help us?" Spike asked, carefully avoiding to look at her or to call her any of his usual nicknames.

"No one, unless Riley answers the message we left for him. No one from AI that could come either?"

"No, definitly not. Peaches might love Buffy more than life itself, but he is not going to risk his son, not even for her."

Xander scoffed. "Pretty quick to give up his supposedly one and everything."

"You think if Angel called during the last weeks before Glory's ritual,  
asking Buffy to send him help, that she would have even considered sending one of you lot to LA to help Angel instead of Dawn?" Spike shot angrily at Xander.

Xander was about to reply, as two seven feet demons crashed through the windows in unison, forcing all three of them to concentrate on fighting.

---

"You shouldn't be here." A dark, distorted voice growled through the dark mist.

"Why not?" Buffy challenged, not knowing who she was talking to, but not ready to back down. Nothing was known about this part of her voyage, so Dawn hadn't been able to tell her much, besides that the fact that she never, EVER could back down from a challenge. "And who are you, anyways?"

"I'm D'Korth, one of the many beings that your friend murdered in her path. I will not let you pass." Buffy stiffened, taking a combat stance. "Your slayer powers can't help you here, little girl. Just back down and go home."

Buffy considered her answer for more than a few moments before looking towards the path ahead of her. "I'm sorry, I don't particularily remember you. But I know for sure that if Willow killed you, she did so in attempt to stop you from hurting others."

"Very well. You may pass on the reasoning that your friend killed me in defense of the weak and helpless." The demonic voice grumbled. Buffy smiled, but was quickly put down. "Understand that you will not be able to pass with this reasoning again. There are many inqueries ahead, and you can not give the same answer twice." With that, Buffy felt the demonic presence disappearing, and the fog lost a bit of its darkness.  
She returned to the path, walking slowly as she realized that this would not be as easy as it seemed when she decided on doing it.

---

"Dawn. I think we need to talk."

"Yes, I believe we have to. So you noticed it to?" Dawn asked, warily eyeing the stairways to the basement. "The last guy was a warlock,  
wasn't he?"

"I think so, Dawn. Maybe we should call Anya?"

"Call me?" The vengeance demon teleported into the room. "What's going on?"

"An, could you take a look at our latest body?" Xander asked, directing her to the dead warlock.

"Yes, that's a dead warlock. Good work, team! Why am I here?" Anya asked impatiently.

"Uh, Anya, this guy, he's a magic user, correct?" Dawn inquired carefully.

"Yes, obviously. That's pretty much what 'warlock' means." She sounded a bit bored.

"A magic user, a human, correct?" Xander tried to clarify.

"Yes. Is there going to be a point?"

"Spike killed him." Dawn explained somberly.

"So what you are saying is that Spike, who is currently in your basement, just killed a human without flinching?" Anya asked, now worried as well.

---

"Buffy." The familiar voice penetrated the dark fog.

"Angel." Buffy swallowed hard. "I take it you represent the next challenge?"

"Yes, obviously. I am here to ask you why you are willing to save the woman who let me die."

"Let you die? What are you talking about? You are alive, I mean,  
undead-alive, or whatever!" Buffy shouted angrily.

"But that does not change the fact that I died. You rammed a sword through my heart, don't you remember?" Angel said coldly.

"But you came back, you forgave me! This has nothing to do with Willow!" Buffy yelled as a flow of tears ran down her cheeks.

"But I also died. I died because Willow didn't perform the spell sooner. She is the reason I died. Turn back now, it's the only way you can escape the same punishment she suffers for her thoughtlessness."

After thinking a moment, Buffy answered. "Willow did not hesitate to cast the spell because of thoughlessness or ignorance. She waited because she was humble, because she did not consider herself equal to the thousand-year-old heritage of the gypsy clan that cursed you. If you blame her for that, you can as well blame me!"

"Very well. You may pass on the reasoning that your friend's humblety prevented her from casting the spell sooner. You have used up another reason, young slayer. Don't forget that at some point you will have to face the fact that you have run out of excuses." With that, Buffy again felt the presence leave, and unlike the last time, she realized that the presence that challenged her was not her former lover, but a simple representation of events. Wiping the tears she shed earlier she continued on the path, more determined than ever to reach her destination.

---

"Yes, I did. My chip has been removed."

The same moment each of the three scoobies heard Spike, they raced to the box in the corner to grab crosses, holy water and stakes. "Back the hell off, Spike! Your chip might have protected you this far, but you are going down now!" Xander yelled, leaping at the vampire.

With one carefree motion Spike backhanded Xander into the nearest wall.  
"I told you that I made sure that I could never hurt Buffy or any of you again." He said, looking at Dawn, who was holding a cross defensively, looking scared and hurt. "I meant it."

"And how is that? You just hit Xander. I didn't see you flinch. Why should I believe what you say?" Dawn asked angrily, in her mind considering the options. After a moment, she realized that there was nothing she could do to stop Spike. If he wanted, he could kill all three of them before they had time to break a sweat.

"Dawn." Spike looked beat and hurt, despite not having been hit at all.  
"Can we go to the kitchen, talk alone?"

"I don't think so. I know you could kill me where I stand, backup or not, but whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of all of us. What keeps you from killing all of us right now?"

"What keeps Angel from hurting Buffy, niblet?" Spike asked,  
unconsciously falling back into his old speaking pattern. "After what I did, I realized that the chip did not stop me from hurting people I cared for. So I took care of it." He looked at the body of Buffy on the floor, swallowing hard. "I took care of it."

"Angel? Are you trying to say ..." Xander asked while getting back on his feet.

"I'm saying that I made sure I would never again hurt people I cared about. 'Least I thought as much. Didn't do me much good when I barged in here yesterday."

"You ... for her?" Dawn asked, her voice shakey. She sat down on the floor, not being able to keep her legs under control anymore. "You are like Angel?"

"Yes." Spike answered, still looking at Buffy's body. He hated the comparison, it was not even remotely accurate, but this was not the time to debate semantics.

"How? How did you do it? Did you see Lloyd?" Anya suddenly yelled. She had been quiet during the whole conversation, trying to make sense of what she heard.

"Yes." Spike repeated.

"But he doesn't just hand out ... oh god, did you go through ..." Anya swallowed. She walked towards Spike, taking his chin in her hand. "Look at me!" She commanded, then adding in a tiny voice: "Did you?"

"Yes." Spike said for a third time.

"You can trust him." Anya said firmly, turning back to the other two.  
"He won't hurt us." 


	6. Soul Seeking Part 2

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Soul Seeking Part 2

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': After being drained by Willow, Giles is in the hospital's ICU, his body unable to function on it's own. Dawn figured out the reason, Willow took more than the magic, she took Giles'  
lifeforce. And she's the only one who can return it. The only problem:  
when Willow let go of the magic, a part of her was lost as well. She is currently in a mental institution, being unable to hold any thought for more than a few seconds. Dawn has found a spell to restore her, and convinced her sister to perform it. A call to Angel to come and protect Buffy's body left them stranded with Spike. Not having any other choice, they have decided to go through with the spell.

Part 6 - Soul Seeking Part 2

"Now, now, big girl. You won't pass me as easily as you passed the others." Buffy hesitated for a second, then, as she recognized the voice, tryingd to control herself. She had been afraid of meeting some of her previous adversaries, preparing herself to face Glory, Adam or the Mayor. She should have expected this, but she didn't.

"Warren." She fought hard to control her urge to just lash out at the darkness that surrounded her. "How DARE you be here?"

"Well, that would be obvious, wouldn't it, bitch?" The voice mocked her. "You could never beat me in your reality, what makes you think you could get past me here?" He laughed, then continued. "Self defense,  
humblety, none of your pathetic moral values apply to my death. How could you possibly justify what Willow did to me?"

"Let me pass!" Buffy shouted desperatly. Out of all the foes she faced,  
this was the one that really managed to hurt her and her own.

"You can not get past me like this. Turn around now or face the challenge." The voice of Warren sounded like a mock, suggesting that she could never face him and win.

"What's your challenge? Didn't you cause enough damage while you were alive? I'll answer any question you have, but you'll have to let me pass!" Angel's voice had caused her to shed some tears, but now she was crying. She had lost people before, but never like Tara, never on the sideline, without the adversary even knowing what he did. And never someone this close to her heart.

"You already know, little girl. You can only pass if you have a viable reason. Which you don't have."

"Yes, I do. Willow killed you because you killed Tara. That is reason enough. Vigilante justice might not be perfect, but sometimes, it's the only choice. It was the right thing to do. The only thing I regret about it at all is that Willow had to be the one to do it. The only reason we have judges is because people don't want to be the ones that make those decisions. That doesn't mean that if they do they are wrong."

She swallowed hard, then continued, interrupting the voice of Warren that was about to say something. "But that is not why Willow did what she did. She did it out of revenge. She did it because you were a rabid dog that needed to be put down, and she knew it. If it had been anything other than that, she would have killed someone besides you.  
And she could have. She could have easily killed Giles, Anya, me, Dawn or Xander. Or those two other idiots. But she didn't."

"So she acted out of revenge. That is not good enough of a reason,  
bitch. You can not pass."

"Yes, I can. Her motivation might have been revenge, but she served justice. If I hadn't had to be the one to do the 'right' things, I would have been the one breaking your neck. I stand by what she did.  
Now let me pass." Her voice was confident, even though inside she was afraid of what might happen next. Dawn couldn't tell her about this part of her journey, as there were no recounts from other people to rely on, but somehow deep inside her she realized that she was in dangerous territory now. Earlier she could justify Willow's actions through moral values, but this was different. Something told her that if what she said wasn't accepted, there could be much worse consequences than her being unable to pass.

"You play a dangerous game, sugar. You may pass on the notion that sometimes actions that are considered wrong are needed." With that,  
Buffy felt the presence disappear.

---

"I can't take the bloody lot of them!" Spike yelled, knocking down one of the attackers. It had been quiet at the Summers house after Spike's explanation the day before. Anya finally went out to enact some 'justice' on a cheating husband, not being able to stand the silence anymore. But half an hour later, a group of reddish demons with little horns had assaulted the three remaining defenders. Spike had managed to kill three of them in the first few moments, and Xander and Dawn each successfully decapitated one of the demons that suspiciously resembled ancient drawings of the devil. But more of them rushed through the windows and threatened to overwhelm Spike and the others.

"Xander, can you get to the phone and call Anya if we cover you?" Dawn managed to blurt out while dodging a particulary big but luckily slow demon.

"No, it's smashed. A demon fell on it!" He cursed his inability to fight better. He managed to deflect the blows of his opponent, but he was clearly far away from attacking it.

"Oh, I know how get her here!" Dawn shouted. "I'M SO ANGRY AT SPIKE FOR WHAT HE DID, I WISH ..." She looked at the ceiling for a moment.

"Why didn't you just call?" With an audible 'woosh' Anya appeared in the middle of the fight. "Oh my." She looked around, taking the situation in. She was still trying to assess who needed her assistance most as one of the red demon's walked up to her and backhanded her against the wall, where she slumped down to the floor.

"Much good this done us, little bit. Now we got one more unconcious body lying around to trip over." Spike complained, throwing one of the demons into another, sending both of them down. He sharply inhaled as he saw three demons ganging up on Dawn, clearly more than she was being able to handle. He was just about to run over to her as he heard a distorted dark voice.

"Hasn't anybody ever taught you not to hit a lady?" The blonde woman got up from the floor, her face looking like a mixture of third degree burns and the victim of a painball match. She stepped next to Dawn and hit the demon that earlier knocked her out with a right hook.

Spike, Xander and Dawn had been aware that Anya had increased strength in her demon form, but they had not yet seen her fight. She had been hesitant to put on her 'game face' and preferred to just swing a large axe so far. None of them was prepared for the effect her hit had on the reddish demon. If they hadn't been fighting for their lives themself,  
they would have stood there open mounded in shock, as the demon was sent flying through the room, literally crashing through the massive outer wall, leaving a demon sized hole.

"You really should think twice about it next time." She added, grabbing the head of another demon and twisting it clean off.

---

"Hi, Buffy." The voice said.

"Dawn?" Buffy looked around confused. "Didn't you say you couldn't talk to me until I was back?"

"I'm a different Dawn. I'm the Dawn that Willow was about to turn back into a green energy ball." The voice said coldly. "I'm the last guardian."

"So if I pass you, I can go to where Willow's missing piece is?" Buffy tried to clarify.

"Yes. But you have to have a reason why Willow would intentionally hurt someone she loved. Why she hurt me, your own sister. Why you can forgive something that not even your own real sister can forgive."

"You certainly don't make it easy." Buffy said silently, trying to think. "How much time to I have to answer?"

"As much time as you need. You can turn around whenever you want, or stay here as long as you want. But I can not let you pass."

"You aren't really Dawn, are you?" Buffy asked, finally realizing that her previous encounters might have shared the persons way to speak, but not their intentions.

"No. We are just guardians of a realm where no living being is supposed to travel. We represent different aspects of your friends history"  
Dawn's voice explained. "But this knowledge will not get you further.  
We can not let you pass unless you give us a valid reason."

"Would it help if I told you that my real sister sent me here?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"No. The real Dawn sent you here only to save your friend Rupert Giles.  
She does not care about Willow, and she would rather see her dead. This reason is not good enough to let you pass." The voice replied coldly.

"It wasn't Willow that tried to hurt you. It was the black magic"  
Buffy tried to reason.

"Not good enough. The magic just made it easier for Willow to act on her dark emotions. It was still her that made the decisions." The voice made it more than clear that this was not the way. "If you have no better answer, you might as well turn back and go home.

---

It took less than half a minute for Anya to mow through the rest of the attackers, leaving their bodies behind her in a bloody wake. After she rammed the last demons fast into the floor, leaving a two-inch hole,  
she turned back to her friends.

"That was ... wow." Dawn said, completely in awe over the carnage her friend caused among the demons withing those few seconds. "I didn't know you could do that."

"That's because I didn't try before now. I wasn't even sure it still worked." Anya's face turned back into her normal self and she broke to her knees, panting hard.

Xander rushed to her side with a worried expression. "An, are you alright?"

"No, you troglodyte. I'm strong, not invulnerable!" She coughed, then held up both of her hands. "There's a reason why I don't like doing this. My body is not supposed to ram into strong things with the speed and power of a small truck. I think I broke a bunch of bones in both my hands."

"What ... how ... what?" His voice was deep with concern, even though he didn't managed to get out more than the few words.

"My body wasn't built for this kind of strength. I broke my hands when I hit those critters. It's like using a wooden bat instead of a sledgehammer. Now go and call me an ambulance. I need medical assistance."

---

"Dawn?" The weak voice sounded through the sunlit room, instantly waking the tall teenager that curled up with a blanket in the corner.

"Buffy, are you alright? Did it work?" Dawn rushed over and hugged her sister who groggily tried to sit up. Willow was still out, although now breathing at a normal rythm, so clearly not in stasis anymore.

"I don't think there's an easy answer to that." Buffy shook her head.  
"I think I really need a black coffee now, and maybe that psychiatrist that the council wanted to send over."

"Oh Buffster, you really have awesome timing." Xander rose from his makeshift bed in another corner. "We couldn't have survived another night. You were gone for almost nine days."

---

Sitting on the couch, Buffy carefully sipped the hot, black coffee.  
"So, I assume from the obvious lack of peroxide that you sent Spiek packing already?"

"Uh, not exactly, he ..." Xander started, but was interrupted by Dawn.

"He's none of your concern right now." She looked at her sister curiously who was unconciously running her hand through sleeping Willows hair. "So come on, tell us. Did you get what you were looking for? Did you get Willows missing piece?"

"I'm not sure. I can't remember everything too clearly. But I think I might have gotten more than I've bargained for." Buffy answered,  
looking into the black depths of her coffee. "It was weird there. But I'm pretty certain I got what Willow needs." She lovingly looked down on the sleeping redhead. "Rest a little bit, Willow. We'll make you whole again soon."

For a moment, Buffy seemed to forget everyone else in the room.

"Don't you worry. I'll always find you, sweetie."

---

Author's notes:

Man, if you thought that me having exams slowed me down, you are so wrong. Not having the time to write pretty much leaves you with dozens of ideas you want to put in. So don't worry, I still got a lot of aces up my sleeves. If you read any chapter that does not at one point surprise you, let me know.

Since some people asked, yes, I am adapting some ideas from other writers. As someone once said, "Imitation is the most honest form of appraisal" (thats translated literally from german, I'm sure there's an english saying similar to this one). I have read a lot of great fan fiction, and I realized that the reason anyone writes fan fiction is because one sees great ideas that don't spin out quite as one expected or wanted. The idea of Willow being that sick, for example, was directly taken from Kath's and Beth's (the Rainbowwriters) Season Seven (Gift Of Sorrow, Part 1 to be exact) and their equally brilliant piece "Witness". Both storylines take a very different path than I took, but they are essentially the reason I focussed on the idea.

To answer another question: I had no plans on any specific pairing (such as Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Angel, Buffy/Riley, Buffy/TI, etc). I still don't have any. I'm just watching as it goes. Obviously, there will be a connection between Buffy and Angel once she recovered to confront him with sending the guy who tried to rape her to protect her. Spike is either still there or dead. Riley is always an unknown number. I don't really know jack about TI, so who knows if I'll put him in or not. In other words, I have absolutely no concrete plans at all.

And to answer the last question, will Xander and Anya get back together ? If you have to ask that, you didn't ready my stories. They even got back together in the official season seven, for crying out loud. I'll certainly not make it easy, but I've always expected them to get together, and if it in any way fits my storyline, they will.

ps.: I'm going to ignore the whole Halfrek/Cecily aspect. It was never made clear enough for me to care much about it. 


	7. Unexpected Consequences

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Unexpected Consequences

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': After being drained by Willow, Giles is in the hospital's ICU, his body unable to function on it's own. Dawn figured out the reason, Willow took more than the magic, she took Giles'  
lifeforce. And she's the only one who can return it. The only problem:  
when Willow let go of the magic, a part of her was lost as well. She is currently in a mental institution, being unable to hold any thought for more than a few seconds. Dawn has found a spell to restore her, and convinced her sister to perform it. A call to Angel to come and protect Buffy's body left them stranded with Spike. Not having any other choice, they have decided to go through with the spell. The spell seems to have worked, but Spike and Anya were badly hurt during the days of defending Buffy and Willow. Now all that is left to do is to transfer the part of Willow that Buffy brought back back to Willow.

Part 6 - Soul Seeking Part 2

"Buffy, are you certain you are ready for this?" Xander asked while Dawn was preparing the spell in the living room. "I know Dawn ensures me that this is all passive magic, but still, I think maybe you should,  
you know, be rest-y slayer for a while before we continue."

"Xander, I'm not any more thrilled than you that we appear to have another spellcaster in the house, but I really need to get Willow out of my head. It's driving me crazy, it's like having too many books in a bag. I always feel like there is more in my head than belongs." Buffy explained. She looked tired. Xander didn't know if his best friend looked tired because of the mystical Willow-piece she had in her head or because of the knowledge that the man that tried to rape her was currently living in her basement. Of course they couldn't very well kick Spike out until he was healed up enough to at least walk again.

Xander looked towards the doorway, then continued with a more quiet voice. "There is one other thing we need to talk about, Buffy."

"Don't even get me started. Let's just hope it's a sideeffect of the spell and that it will go away once we finish the second part." Buffy replied harshly. "Trust me, I feel much less comfortable with this than you."

"As rude as it may sound, Buffy, getting 'rid of it' is not my only concern right now. What if you ... pass it on?"

"And what if I do? It might actually be a good thing." Buffy replied with a weak smile.

"Yes, it might be. It might also not be a good thing, and instead a kick-Willow-over-the-edge thing." He wasn't going to just let this go this easily. "I think you need to tell Dawn."

"Look, we've both been going over the spell description, and even us two bricks would have picked it up if there was ANY mention of anything like this, so talking to Dawn would not help us a bit. Right now we can chose between completely broken Willow and a chance to fix her. I'm going to take that chance, and you know that Dawn wouldn't care anyways."

"And let's assume you don't pass it on. What if it stays?" Xander continued to press.

"Then we will find another way. Heck, I might even talk to the shrink the council is sending over. You know, dying twice, falling in love with a vampire, killing my first love, falling in love with a secret agent, having my best friend trying to end the world and then falling in love with my best friend, I probably need it." Buffy laughed dryly.

"So this is how far is has come? You love her now?"

"It's not that black and white. I don't even like women like that,  
Xander. It's just hard to see right now."

---

"So, can I leave yet?"

"I told you, your wounds need at least two more days to heal. Why are you in such a hurry to get away from us anyways?" Dawn snapped. She only went to the basement to get some more ingredients, hoping that Spike would be asleep.

"What, I thought you wanted me gone as soon as possible. I told you, I didn't want to come here in the first place."

"Yeah, I shouldn't be surprised that you are just burning to leave us again. It's a pattern." She replied bitterly.

"Bloddy he... are you saying that you don't want me to go?" The blonde vampire asked confused. He had barely talked to Dawn at all over the last days, but he was pretty certain that she shared his opinion that leaving as soon as possible was the best course of action.

"Why would you ask me that, it's not like you cared to get my opinion last time you abandoned us!" She shouted angrily and dashed out of the basement before he could reply, leaving him to wonder what exactly to make of it.

---

"Flowers are not going to get you get laid, Harris." Came a cold voice from the bed.

"I didn't expect that. And what fun would that be with both of your hands in casts anyways?" Xander replied smugly, putting the flowers down on the nightstand next to Anya's bed. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You did get those injuries defending Dawns and my life,  
after all."

"So if you don't want sex, why are you coming over? Do you have any questions regarding the carpentry work in the Magic Box? Is something wrong with the Box?" She added the last question in a concerned voice.

"No, An, the Magic Box is fine. My guys are actually putting in the new windows as we speak. I just came because I, you know, I care about you.  
And after spending the last one and a half week with you, I suddenly found myself missing your company." He confessed.

Anya sighed. Clearly, she couldn't scare him out of the room. She felt vulnerable and confused as she lay helpless in the bed with casts on both of her hands and lower arms. "Alright. So tell me what has been going on."

"Well, Spike is still injured in the basement, driving Dawn insane. I don't even know why it bugs her so much, they never speak and it's not like hes here to stay." He explained. He never quite understood Dawn's relation to Spike, but the last few days had confused him even more. He suspected that Dawn wasn't dealing well with the news that Spike had a soul now, although he personally didn't care much. Spike hurt Buffy,  
and he was lucky to leave the Summers house alive.

"You shouldn't be so hard on him. You don't know." Anya said softly as Xander sunk into thought.

"I don't know what? I know he hurt Buffy, I know what he tried to do. I don't understand what more there is to know!" Xander shouted, the reconsidered. "Sorry, it's not like any of this is your fault. I just don't get it, you know?"

"Xander." Anya waited until her former fiancé turned towards her.  
"Lloyd doesn't just hand out souls like cheap candy. There are .  
trials ... fighting, torture ... no demon has managed to pass those trials for over ten thousand years, each single one has given up before the end. Everyone but Spike." She looked at him, her face displaying awe. "I don't know if I should tell Dawn or Buffy. I don't understand these kind of things. Why would anyone want to go through that kind of torture?"

"So thats why ..." Xander trailed off, clearly surprised by his friends words.

"Yes. No one who went through those trials would hurt the person that was the reason they managed to get through them."

"I understand why you didn't tell us." Xander gave in. "But it doesn't mean he should be forgiven." He added firmly. "I think it's better you don't tell anyone about it."

---

"Dawn, how long will this take? My legs are starting to go numb." Buffy complained. Dawn had been walking around her and Willow for hours,  
reciting ancient chants, dispersing herbs and powders, yet nothing seemed to happen.

"It's not as easy as handing someone a book, Buffy. You are the one that wants to help Willow, aren't you?"

"Yes, of course, she's my ev... my best friend." Buffy tried to cover.  
Dawn looked at her suspicious, but continued her chanting. Something was definitly wrong with Buffy, she had behaving odd ever since she returned from the spirit travel. Dawn just hoped it was because of her sister carrying a piece of Willow's mind, a piece that didn't belong into her sister's head. If she was right, Buffy would return to normality as soon as the piece was transferred to Willow.

"It just doesn't seem like it's worki..." Buffy suddenly trailed off,  
making Dawn look at her. "Dawn ... something is happening!"

Buffy looked around her confused. She couldn't describe her feeling,  
but it was definitly nothing natural. "Dawn?" She asked in a shakey voice. Then, without any control of her own, her hands rushed to the temples of Willow, almost as if a magnetic force drew them there. The moment her fingertips touched her best friends temples, her arms and hands started to glow.

"Dawn, what the he..." Buffy's question was interrupted as her body stiffed for a second. Only moments later, Buffy burst into a scream of agony that made Dawn's neckhair stand up. As Buffy kept screaming at the top of her lungs, Dawn was harshly reminded of the time she had seen Glory brainsuck one of her victims. Only that this time, it seemed to work in reverse; instead of draining something from the pale redhead, it was clear that something was flowing from Buffy's head through her arms and hands into Willow's head.

---

"So what about Buffy, did she get the piece she was looking for?" Anya quizzed Xander.

"She seems to think so." He replied dryly.

"But you don't?" Anya asked, sensing that there was more to tell.

"Oh, I trust that she got what she was looking for. But I think she got more than she wanted." His voice was bitter as he remembered Buffy's complete lack of willingness to discuss what happened to her.

"She didn't pick up another demon hitchhiker, did she?"

"Not exactly. But I believe she did pick up something that doesn't belong here."

---

After the apparently very painful transfer, Buffy had passed out next to Willow. Dawn had tried to wake her sister, but to no avail. Just as she was about to call an ambulance, she heard a soft coughing.

"What happened, Dawnie?"

"Willow? Are you alright? Do you understand what's happening?" Dawn asked without leaving the side of her sister.

"Well, I'm not exactly understanding anything. The last thing I remember is that I was here with you, and Xander and Anya, and you seemed to prepare a spell." She considered for a moment, then added: "I thought we agreed not to do any more spells around me?"

"Do you remember the hospital? Do you remember why we did the spell?"

"Yes, yes! I was sick, and you said the spell would make me well again.  
Looks like it worked, although I don't even want to start thinking about what kind of problem could send me to the hospital for months and need a spell to fix me. Is Buffy alright?" The redhead stopped her babbleing and rushed over to her best friends side. "I remember feeling a flashing pain, and I remember that I felt that it must have been much worse for her."

"Come on, Buffy! Wake up!" Dawn pleaded, tears in her eyes. Suddenly,  
Buffy's body spasmd, then she opened her eyes.

"That hurt like hell. Last time I'm letting you do spell's, little sister." Looking at her dumbfounded sister, she added: "What's wrong?  
Didn't it work?"

"Buffy ..." Dawn swallowed, trying to deny what she saw. "You ... your eyes ..."

"Dawn, what is wrong with my eyes? I can see fine, sweetie!"

Suddenly, an audible sob was heard through the room as Willow bowed over her friend, looking at her face. Looking at her best friends blonde hair, her delicate pretty face.

And her emerald green eyes.

---

Author's notes:

Not subtle enough? Please mail me what you think about the last few lines, and about the last two chapters.

ps.: The title of this chapter was borrowed from Lisa Countryman's great fanfiction series with the same name. The name is all that is similar, though. I just thought it was the perfect title. 


	8. Hitchhikers

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Hitchhikers

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': Dawn has found a spell to restore restore Willow, and convinced her sister to perform it. A call to Angel to come and protect Buffy's body left them stranded with Spike. Not having any other choice, they have decided to go through with the spell. The spell seems to have worked, but Spike and Anya were badly hurt during the days of defending Buffy and Willow. They managed to transfer the piece back and restore Willow, but the spell had some unexpected consequences.

Part 8 - Hitchhikers

"Tara?" Willow sobbed.

"Willow, get a grip of yourself. It's Buffy. It's just a residue of the spell, for crying out loud!" Dawn chastized the crushed redhead.

"Dawn, what's wrong with my eyes?" Buffy yelled, panic in her voice.  
"What the hell is wrong with my eyes, Dawn?"

"They are green, Buffy. Your eyes are green."

---

"Is she asleep?" Xander asked with a worried tone to his voice.

"Yes, I gave her the sedatives the docs gave us. She was pretty upset"  
Buffy sat down between Xander and Dawn. Anya sat in the chair opposing to them, all of them rather beat. "So what's going on? Do I really have green eyes?"

"Yeah, they look exactly like Tara's eyes." Anya explained. "It probably hurt Willow to see them and drove her insane."

"An, please. This is serious." Xander tried to stop his former girlfriend from escalating the situation. "Buffy, I think you need to tell them." He coughed. "No, actually I know you need to tell them."

"Alright, gang. Buckle up for the ugly truth." Buffy tried to brighten up the mood. "I didn't just bring back the part of Willow I was looking for."

---

"How many answers are you going to try?" Dawn's voice sounded through the mist. "You can't just guess your way out of this. Just turn around now, while you still can. The time in your realm is ticking away, much faster than here, you know?"

"Buffy!"

"What?" Buffy asked, startled by the different voice.

"I said that you can not guess your way out of this." The guardian repeated with Dawn's voice.

"No, I ..." Buffy paused. "There has to be a way past you. Can't you just tell me if I ask nicely?" She covered.

"No, sis. You can only pass the last guardian if you have a valid reason. I don't know of any, and I wouldn't tell you if I had one."

"Buffy, try to concentrate on my voice!"

---

"So you are saying that I tried to stop you from helping Willow?" Dawn asked, slightly confused and annoyed.

"Oh god, no, not at all Dawnie! As I said, they explained that they were guardians, just 'lending' a form from my world to communicate. I believe each of their choices symbolized what they stood for." Buffy tried to calm her sister down.

"Then why would they chose Dawn? She doesn't really fit in with the likes of Angelus, Warren and that demon." Xander chimed in, just as confused as Dawn.

"Easy, beady eyes. The demon stood for selflessness, Angel, not Angelus, stood for humility, Warren stood for revenge. And Dawn, you can relax, you stood for Willow's attack on innocents." Anya explained,  
intrigued by Buffy's story and slightly annoyed that no one seemed to follow it.

"Yes Anya, I think you are right, thats how it felt. Now for all the other guardians, I could at least justify Willow's actions, but the Dawn-guardian wouldn't let me pass. I tried dozens of answers, but I couldn't come up with a way to justify Willow's attack on my own sister." Buffy looked sad, having to tell some mystical being that it was 'OK' to attack her little sister was hard enough the first time,  
and reliving it wasn't particularily pleasant.

"So how did you pass her? hat answer did you come up with to get through?" Dawn asked, challenge in her voice, reminding Buffy more than ever of the guardian that blocked her path.

"That's just the thing. I didn't." Buffy said. "As I stood there,  
realizing that I would not just randomly stumble over the correct answer, I heard a voice. I think it was Tara's voice."

---

"Tara, is that you? Can you help me?" Just as the initial shock wore off, Buffy put one and one together. "Are you another stupid guardian?  
You have no right to use her form, no right!" A tear ran down Buffy's cheek. How dare these mystical guardians used the voice of her friend?  
Tara had passed away, and it seemed a travesty that they would invoke her memories.

"Buffy, I am not allowed to tell you how to pass the last guardian. But I can help you. You just have to take my hand." Tara's voice sounded through the thick fog.

"Take your hand how? I can't see you, I can't see anything!"

"You just have to reach out, Buffy. Reach out and take my hand!"

---

"So Tara helped you?" Dawn asked, now understanding Buffy's sadness.  
"How?"

"When I reached out, it worked, I could feel her hand in mine. I pulled her closer, and suddenly she was there, right next to me." Buffy swallowed. "And I could feel, I don't know how, but I somehow knew she could get us past the guardian. But there was more. It was like I was reading her mind, but not."

"How can you read someones mind and not? Was it like that time you were infected with demon blood?" Xander tried to follow.

"I could feel her emotions, her love for Willow, her worry about me being there, and her care for all of you." Buffy looked around. "But I couldn't read her mind. I didn't know what she was thinking, I couldn't hear her or anything. Oh god, if I did, I probably wouldn't have continued. But I didn't, and so we walked up to the point where the guardian waited, hand in hand."

---

"There you are again. Have you still not decided to turn around"  
'Dawn's' voice sounded bored. "Come to try out some more ideas?"

"No." Buffy said with a firm voice. She didn't know the answer, but she knew that no one could stop her as long as she was with Tara. "I have come to pass."

"So, how will you answer to the accusation that Willow tried to hurt someone completely innocent? How can you justify that?" The guardian issued the same challenge again that Buffy had heard so often now.

"I can't. There is no justification for that." Buffy's voice sounded.  
She recognized it as her own voice, but she knew it wasn't her speaking, it was Tara. "No one could justify hurting an innocent out of grief. But we aren't someone."

"So who are you, little slayer? Someone who can change the rules of good and evil?" Dawn laughed.

"No. We are someone who loves Willow. And that is our answer. Willow's actions can never be justified." Buffy felt herself being filled with confidence. "But we can forgive Willow."

"Very well. You may pass. You are truely worthy of reaching the netherworld. You have both the strong understanding of right and wrong,  
as well as the love and kindness to forgive the mistakes a human being is bound to make in its life." And with that, Buffy was at her destination.

---

"Wow." Anya's face had grown from shock over awe to open admiration.  
"So Tara was in the spirit world with Willow. That is a big thing,  
Buffy."

"Explain?"

"Well, the spirit world is a place where dead things go that aren't complete yet. Like, for example, if you are brain dead, but your body is still alive, then your soul waits in the spirit world. Or if you die, but have your soul bound to something, then your body waits in the spirit world for your soul. To have a person wait there for another,  
that is truely outstanding. It doesn't happen a lot." Anya fiddled with her casts. "Tara must have loved Willow more than we realized."

"You are right." Buffy's green eyes looked at the vengeance demon. "I can feel it. I can feel it in a way that I can't even begin to describe. And that's why my eyes are green, I believe."

Xander, who had paced the room during Buffy's story sat down next to her, giving her the comfort she needed. "Since Buffy came back, she could feel Tara inside her head. We believe it's because when Buffy was kicked out of the spirit world, she was still holding on to Tara. Ever since then their thoughts have been affecting each other."

"It's like sometimes, Tara is in the background, and sometimes, she's in the foreground. I found myself looking at Willow and thinking .  
thinking non-straight thoughts." Buffy blushed a little bit. "And I have heard myself say things that didn't come from me."

"So is she trying to take over?" Dawn asked worriedly.

"Oh god, no, she tries to stay in the background as much as possible.  
But it's getting harder and harder for her, I can feel it." Buffy looked irritated. "I don't know what will happen if she runs out of strength to stay in the ba..." Mid-sentence, she suddenly slumped against Xander, her body turning limp.

As everyone rushed towards her, she opened her eyes, now hazel brown again. She looked down on the floor, her hair falling over her eyes.

"I g-guess we k-k-know now."

---

"Tara?" Xander looked at Buffy's body pained. "Oh god, I have so many things to say to you, but first, are you hurting Buffy by being in control?"

"No, she can come back w-w-whenever she wants. She's keeping back right now because she k-knows I c-c-c-couldn't hold it anymore." 'Tara' said softly. Even her voice sounded like Tara. "You can see who's at the h-h-helm by looking at our eyes, they take the color of who is in the background." Her eyes suddenly flashed green again. "And don't you dare make any jokes about butch and femme, no matter who's in control, this body still has slayer strength and is able to hurt you!" Buffy's voice sounded through the room, before the eyes flashed back to brown.

It was eerie to watch when the control changed. The entire body language changed with the eyes, switching from a stiff, controlled pose to a less confident, soft pose. Of course, it was made more obvious because of Tara's behavior to let her hair hang over her eyes and face.

"I shouldn't be here, I forgot to tell Buffy to let go of my hand before she ..." Tara started and was interrupted by Dawn lunging towards her, clenching to her chest in a tight embrace. As the teenager dropped the strong facade she had held up for the past two weeks and burst into a quiet sob, Tara gently stroke her back and her hair.  
"Sssh, ssssh, I missed you too, Dawnie."

Struck deaf by his emotions, Xander moved over to Anya, puttign his arm around his ex fiancé, avoiding to look at the two crying women.  
Spotting a tear on Anya's cheek, he wiped it off with a cushion. "Dust in your eye, huh?" Before she was able to shoot a cruel response, he added: "Must be something in this room." Anya had never seen him cry,  
but as she looked at him now, she noticed a blink around his eyes that she had never seen before.

---

In the basement, Spike enjoyed the moment, knowing no one would come down to check on him now. His 'new soul' had made him unexpectedly emotional, and when he first heard that the shy blonde scoobie died, he had to use all of his self control to keep a straight face. He had always liked Tara more than the rest of the scoobies, because unlike them, she didn't treat him with disgust in her eyes. Just like with Joyce, he had little history with her, allowing them to connect on a much more casual behavior instead of the black and white way he was treated by the rest of the scoobies. Hearing what he just heard from upstairs had come to a shock to him.

He tried to focus his mind, he had a lot to think about. What he was about to do would cost him more than he had ever freely given, at least knowingly. What he went through when getting his soul back would seem like a cakewalk compared to it. And he also knew that while he just wanted to leave right now, he could never ever come back if he went through with his plan.

Unconciously he stroke his chest over where he imagined his soul sat,  
and sighed. If he was going to do this, he needed an escape plan, so that he could leave before the scoobies realized what he had done.

He walked up the stairs and into the living room, heavily leaning against the walls and other things to relieve the burden on his still healing legs. When everyone in the livingroom noticed him and looked at him, he swallowed and then said what he came to say.

"I believe I know a way for Tara to get a new body to put her soul into." He had to surpress a smile as he could tell by the hopeful look on everyones face that his plan was going to work out perfectly. Now all he needed was a way to get far out of town and a place to stay once he was done. He knew the slayer would do everything in her power to find him and come after him after what he was about to do. 


	9. Ulteriour Motives

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander,  
Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the author for permission to reproduce this story on any other fan fiction site.

TITLE: Ulteriour Motives

SERIES: Casualties

AUTHOR: Peter J. Frigate

EMAIL: thetwis...gmx.de (thats my 'mostly spam' email, so I might miss your mail, if you want my personal email, just ask me)

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. Public, private, constructive, negative, I don't care. I don't even mind flames.

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I post the chapters on the Buffy newsgroup, and usually a bit later on If you want to put my stuff on your page, I'll probably hug and kiss you, but you still have to ask first. I like to keep track of where my things go. In return, I'll offer to mail you any new chapters/stories or corrections.

TIMEFRAME: After the end of Season Six

'PREVIOUSLY ON': Dawn has found a spell to restore restore Willow, and convinced her sister to perform it. A call to Angel to come and protect Buffy's body left them stranded with Spike. Not having any other choice, they have decided to go through with the spell. The spell seems to have worked, but Spike and Anya were badly hurt during the days of defending Buffy and Willow. They managed to transfer the piece back and restore Willow, but the spell had some unexpected consequences.

NOTES: Since Buffy and Tara share the same body for now, I am simply going to refer to them by the name of whichever person is in charge at the moment. So when I write 'Tara' it means Tara in control of Buffy's body. Also please note that the eye color is INVERSED. Lastly, this chapter is going to be a little bit shorter than the others, since there was just no way to stretch it out, and I really wanted to end it this point.

Part 9 - Ulteriour Motives

'Dear Dawn,

this is probably the last time you will hear from me. After the spell,  
one way or another, I will be gone from you life. I lie awake at night lying to myself that I will be able to cover it up, but you know how your witch friends are. They will figure it out soon enough. I just wanted to let you know that I never, ever wanted to hurt you or your sister. I can't tell this to Buffy, not after what I have done to her.  
I know that you, too, will not understand when you read this, but I'm hoping that one day, in the future, you can forgive me for what I am about to do.

Don't ever forget that I loved you, niblet, I loved you like a sister.'

---

"Spike?" Tara's voice sounded from Buffy's mouth.

"That's right, goldielocks. Big bad has a way to get you a body." Spike bragged confidently while strolling through the room.

"And how is that?" Came Dawn's sceptical voice.

"Easy. I assume Anya has explained you about Lloyd?" He asked.

"Yes. You went through some torture and some fights and got your soul back, yada yada, what's that got to do with this?" Xander asked, taking a position between Spike and Tara.

"I was offered the deluxe package. Full restoration, soul, human body.  
I took the soul, but I was smart enough to keep my vampire enhanced body. That means I still got a credit for a human body. I don't want it, so I might just as well let blondie over there have it. I believe it's an easy spell?" He directed the last question at Tara.

"It's a transfer of ownership, of something that you already posess,  
right?" Tara asked, and after seeing the blonde vampire nod, continued:  
"Yes, it should be relatively easy. But Spike, that's a gift I can't take! It's only been a short while, you might want to be human after getting used to having a soul!"

"I'm not Angel, darling. I have no interest in becoming human. Been a human long enough. It'd actually be helping me as well, since sooner or later I would have had to accept the human body."

"Typical Spike. Just when we thought you'd act selfless, it turns out that after all it's just one big scheme to help yourself." Xander commented bitterly.

---

'As you probably know by the time you read this letter, I've been lying to you all. I never was promised a human body. The only thing I earned was my soul, and the deal was done. I knew enough about magic to trick all of you, including Tara, into believing that the spell would have the effect you all wanted it to have. Don't blame yourself or your friends, you couldn't have known. If what I said had been true, it would have worked just like I told you. It was easy to convince you all that it would work, since you all so desperatly wanted to believe that Tara could live again.

I know that at this point you will probably still have hope left, that there will be a way to undo it, by forcing me to go back. But I take this path knowing that there is no way back, no way to undo the spell or to fix the consequences. It was a one-time-deal. Don't waste your time trying to find me, or to find out what I did. Just try to live your life with what you have got left. Don't waste your life chasing after what you lost the day we performed the spell.'

---

"There are ... sideeffects." Spike explained the gathered scoobies.  
"Tara, you and Buffy might share one body right now, and feel each others emotions, but if you are to split into the new body, there will be a moment of complete merging; you both will know and feel everything either of you ever knew or felt."

"So how do we make sure we don't end up with two Tara-Buffy-mixtures in two bodies?" Anya inquired.

"Once the new body is fully formed, each consciousness will be drawn into the correct body. All that will remain are memories of the sharing." Dawn explained, looking up from the book she was reading in.  
"But you will still both remember everything clearly, every intimate detail, every private moment, every personal thought. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Yes." With a flashing of green in her eyes, Buffy's voice sounded.  
"Tara's in the background again, but she agrees that we can take it"  
For a moment, she seemed like she was lost in thought. "Actually she doesn't want to put me through it, but I don't care. I can take it if it means that she will live again."

"I wonder if you will prefer men or women after seeing what Tara saw"  
Anya mused. "I bet Riley would be interested in this, it's just like when Xander got split, just the opposite."

As the scoobies started to dive into the superficial mockery, Dawn went back to concentrating on the spell that Spike had made her read. It seemed as if it was exactly what he said it would be. She still didn't trust him, but it seemed like he was beeing honest about this.

---

'My best hope right now is that the sideeffect of the merging of essences will keep Buffy out of comission long enough for me to make my escape. You know that all of this, I could never have 'said' to you in person. The only reason why I feel like I can write it down now is because by the time you will read it I'm either dead or long gone.'

---

"Are you sure about this, Buffy?"

"As sure as I ever was. You know that I would have done anything to save you, Tara!"

"I meant about the merge we will experience. Do you understand that I will know everything about you, about what you felt, for Angel, for Riley, for Spike. How it felt being back. All your personal memories."

"Oh Tara, if it meant getting you back, I would have it all printed out and posted on the Sunnydale blackboard." Buffy joked.

"I just meant, this is not something anyone would willingly share. I feel like forcing someone to let me read her diary."

"Tara, listen to me. You are our family, more than any of the others.  
Willow and Xander, they are my best friends. Dawn, she's my little sister. Giles, he's been a father to me for the better part of my life.  
Anya, well, she's like that odd cousin everyone has. But you, you've been a big sister and even mother to all of us. If there is any person I would trust with my most private thoughts, it's you."

"Buffy, I ..."

"Don't doubt yourself. You are not just Willow's girlfriend to us, to any of us. You are our FAMILY. Each of us would readily give their life and more for you."

"Thank you, Buffy."

---

Dawn had prepared the spell, and all Buffy/Tara had to do was to to shed a drop of her blood and mix it with Spike's blood. They both knelt down, side by side. Tara could feel the uneasieness it cause the slayer and sent her all the calmness she could.

"Well, let's get this over with." Buffy's voice sounded as she took the knife, cut her palm and shed a few drops of blood in the bowl.

"Right you are." Spike added and mimiced her action.

Dawn took the bowl, mixed the blood with the prepared fluid and carefully poured it along the outlines of where the new body was supposed to appear. "Let life and death merge to create what was lost"  
She calmly incanted.

As the drops of blood finally formed the outline of a body, she looked up and saw Spike smile smugly. Just at that moment, the outline of blood started to glow, and Buffy's body was violently shaken by unseen forces.

---

'I had no choice, niblet. It is in my nature. One could even say it was the price of my reward.

I love you, Dawnie. You were the sister I always wanted but never had.

Goodbye,

William.'

---

Author's notes:

I know what you are thinking. You are wrong. Actually, I don't know what you are thinking, but I'm pretty sure you are wrong anyways. If you really believe you've figured out what's going to happen, then feel free to mail me or respond to the newsgroup post. If you managed to figure out where this is going, you'll get a guest appearance ;) 


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